Epic Call of Idiocy!

The following is an actual conversation. This really, unfortunately occurred. There are no actors here, impersonations, or exaggerations. The Caller really is that stupid…..

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Caller: I’m having trouble with my email.

Me : Okay are you able to send or receive? Or do you get an error message?

Caller: I don’t know ?

Me : <FacePalm> Okay… What are you using to receive your email? Is it a Mail Client on your computer or are you using webmail?

Caller: I’m using Windows.

Me: <thinking of course you are you give us all a bad name>Okay. Well how do you read your email then?

Caller: From my computer.

Me: <FaceKeyboardSmash>What does the Icon read when you check the email.

Caller: Um…..Windows Express….

Me: Outlook Express?

Caller: Um….. yeah.

Me: Okay… go into your Outlook.

Caller: Outlook Express right?

Me: <grinding my teeth while keeping the cheap smile there>Yes Sir, Outlook Express.

Caller: Okay. Click didn’t work…. I can click it again….

Me: Yes, sometimes it takes a double click to open up programs in your computer.

Caller: Okay, What do I do now?

Me: Well have you set up an email account for your Outlook to pick up?

Caller: I don’t know if I did that.

Me: What is your domain please?

Caller: insert-idiotic-domain-name-here.org

Me: Okay from what I can see you did set up email accounts in the control panel we provided for you.

Caller: So why aren’t they working then?

Me: Well when you create the email address of your choice you get a message telling you that you successfully set up an email account for your domain and it asks if you would like the settings to configure your mail client with Outlook, Thunderbird, etc. And it lists those settings for you. There are four settings that you input and they are all pretty standard with most hosting companies.

Caller: Okay. So just put in ****host for all those?

Me: No. For your username input the email address you set up. Then in the incoming and outgoing mail server input : mail.insert-idiotic-domain-name-here.org and ….

Caller: Not ****host for that then?

Me: <AHHHHHHHHHH!!> No if  you input that then your email will not work.

Caller: Oh… I see…..

Went through rest of simple settings with him…. Sent a test message to him.

Caller: I didn’t get it.

Me: Can you click the “Send/Receive” button?

Caller: No cuz I don’t know where that is… Is it in my computer?

Me: It’s located in the Outlook Express, Sir.

Caller: I didn’t get anything…

Me: Can you send me a blank message?

Caller: No!… It says “Message Subject line and Body are empty do you still wish to send?”

Me: Just say “OK”.

Caller: Okay.

Me: Did  you click “OK”?

Caller: Yes.

Me: Is it in your Outbox?

Caller: Yes.

After a few mins. Still stuck in Outbox.